Ah... Liturature!
Tim, one of my younger brothers, was reading in his Grade 9 Liturature book yesterday and commenced to laugh quite often as he read. My curiosity got the better of me, and I asked him what he was reading. "Every Dog Should Own a Man", he replied. I wish I could give you the whole essay (by Corey Ford), but that would be a little too time-consuming; instead I have decided to share a few beneficial excerpts for your enjoyment - and, hopefully, amusement!
"Every dog should have a man of his own. There is nothing like a well-behaved person around the house to spread the dog's blanket for him, or bring him supper when he comes home man-tired at night. Properly trained, a man can be a dog's best friend... I have decided to set down a few basic rules of manhandling, as a guide for other dogs who happen to own other friends of mine.
"The first problem is to pick out the right man. A dog should exercise great care in making his choice, since he is apt to become quite attached to the man and will find it hard to get rid of him later if he proves to be usatisfactory...
"The main things to look for in a man are sound teeth and gums, a good coat, and a self-confident manner. Remember that a dog is judged by the man he leads, so do not accept a specimen that is scrawny or a runt...
"The first thing to teach a man is to stay and heel. To accomplish this lesson, the dog should hook one end of a long leather leash to his collar, and loop the other end around the man's wrist so he cannot get away. Start down the street slowly, pausing at each telephone pole until the man realizes that he's under control. He may tug and yank at first, but this can be discouraged by slipping deftly between his legs and winding the leash around his ankles. If the man tries to run ahead of the dog, brace all four feet and halt suddenly, thus jerking the man flat on his back. After a few such experiences, the man will become leadbroken and will follow with docility...
"The matter of phisical conditioning is important... The best way to keep him in shape is to work him constantly, and never give him a chance to relax. Racing up and down the street at the end of a leash, for example is a great conditioner...
"Last but not least, it is up to the dog to see that his man has the right companions. If he does not approve of a guest who has been invited to the house for dinner, he should express his dislike by removing a small section of the visitor's trouser leg as a gentle hint...
"The dog must be patient, and not work himself into a tantrum if his man cannot learn to chase rabbits or wriggle under fences as well as the dog does. After all, as my setter says, it's hard to teach as old man new tricks."
Yup, Jack still has lots of training to do! 




